Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
he quoted the bible to break up with me
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
Randomize
