So someone put the baby mannequins in sex positions
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
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