What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
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