so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
Randomize
