Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
Randomize
