I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
Randomize
