Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
Randomize
