It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize