I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
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