angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
These are all good points. But, I think your under estimating what it's like to be held upside down for a standing 69
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
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