Pass out mid-funnel last night.
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
Randomize
