Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
go do what you do best...puke behind churches
I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
Randomize
