adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
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