Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
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