I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
Randomize
