i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
Maybe she gives good head
A girl who still calls a dick a "wiener"cannot possibly give good head
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
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