Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
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