You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
You were right. It hurts to walk today.
the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
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