Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
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