the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
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