Classy? Dude, she fucked 3 guys as part of a scavenger hunt
And?
i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
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