yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
Randomize
