my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
Randomize