Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
Swine flu is the new snow day.
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
I AM VODKA MAN
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Randomize
