"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
Randomize
