Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
But break dance skills will only take you so far
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
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