Soap is not a condiment
You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
Randomize
