Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
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