sooo i think when i get back from rothbury i should probably take a pregnancy test
but you would be showing by now. i'd just save the money and wait for a large crap in 6 months that starts crying. then you'll know.
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
Randomize
