think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
COCAINE IS GR8
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
Randomize
