My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Randomize
