I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
Randomize
