is swine flu sexually transmttd?
Ha no, why?
sriously ive never had a hangovr this bad
So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
Randomize
