12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Randomize
