Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
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