I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
First off, get on bc solely in preperation for this event. Second, as my little sister you have a lot of whore to live up to.
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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