3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
Randomize
