Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
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