omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
Randomize
