i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
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