Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
Randomize
