I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Randomize
