i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
how hairy? two words: wookie tits
i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
Randomize
