guys are not supposed to queef...right?
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
Randomize
