i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
