I wish I could teleport
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
Randomize
