she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
Never underestimate the power of titties
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
Randomize
