Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
Randomize
