I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
Randomize
