Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
I wasn't excited about it either, but if I was going to have her take a load on her face, role playing as some french dude is the least I could do
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
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