so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
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