Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
I want her autograph on my taint
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
Randomize
