hotel room ftw
Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
Randomize
