He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
Randomize