Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
Randomize
