that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
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