She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
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