Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
Randomize
