Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
They should really pass out barf bags in church
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
Randomize
