I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
Randomize
