Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
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