Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
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