So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
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