puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
Randomize
