I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
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