But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
Randomize
