somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
When did angry sex become our thing?
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
Randomize
