wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
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