We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
Randomize
