i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
Randomize
