And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
Randomize
