It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
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