is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
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