I want to walk on stilts...naked
At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
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