I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
I'm not saying I want a booty call. I just want what Cory and Topanga had.
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
Randomize
