Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
Randomize
