ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize
